if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sober January is a disaster.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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