hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
