i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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