Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
