Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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