just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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