I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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