Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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