She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
