The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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