like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
