Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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