this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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