He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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