sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
