Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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