dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
