i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
