I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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