and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
