Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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