god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
