I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
