So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
