Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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