its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
