Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
