She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
