Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
