I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
