Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
