How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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