Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
