whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
