Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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