Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
