i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
