Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
