Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
last night I used snow as a chaser
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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