check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So much Jack, so little girl.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
