I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
