And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
