On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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