Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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