Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
