i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
