He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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