Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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