We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
