why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
